A day with Switchfoot

yesterday we went out to work with La Zona Roja, an organization that works against prostitution here in Spain. This post isn´t about that experience...but rather a thought that has stuck since then. During our outting, I met a woman who said " what hope is there for me here?"

how many people feel this way: What hope is there for me? And so many people don ´t see the door out.. the road out... the gate that is Christ Jesus! This... this thought breaks me.

Today God really laid on my heart to listen to switchfoot and their beautiful letdown c.d. I really do enjoy this album... there´s a song that goes " this is your life are you who you want to be?" and it was so good to be lying on the beach in Spain and reflect on this and know that yes! yes I am! Do I mess up? oh yes! do I make mistakes? yes! Do I hurt others and myself? goodness yes.. is it hard sometimes? incredibly but do I have grace? AMEN! do I have a Lord who loves me? Hallelujah!! As I listened to this song.. it was so good to know without a doubt in my heart that YES I am who I want to be! Is thht because I´m perfect?... NO!!!! But I know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I have peace in any storm and a love that consumes me...I have a friend when all others leave.. i have a lover who loves me when I´m bitter, tough, mean, joyous, patient, whatever the circumstance... and I am following what I know to be His will for me to the fullest that He enables me... and that I am able.... and THAT makes me say yes.. I am who I want to be... are there things that I would change about me? Sure... but I´m human!

I pray taht whoever you are... that you would seek this.. .for now.. my time is up at the locotorio.. tiem for dinner! :) Love you much!
Shalom!
AZ

A day alone in Spain...at last! :)

So today I took a day for me and God...and itwas good!!!I left Kels and Ash at the apartment around 12:30 and spent the next hour shopping. I then went and ate some deliciousness at a place called Pita Inn...had a lamb pita...SO good...and read a book for a while. After that, I stopped into a chocolate shoppe/bakery for an enrigo (homemade truffle...SO good) followed by a metro ride to beach,..only rather than making my way to the beach, I found a park full of grass and trees (a rarity is Spain) and spent some good time there with God. I finished a book my mama had given me called Sacred Pathways and figured out my 3 dominant ways I connect with God,as well as gained some insight into friends/family and how they relate with God...even in ways I don´t get.
Upon completion of the book, I put some of what I learned into action... My 3 most dominant traits are Contemplative,Enthusiast (which are both tied at #1), and Activist (falling as #2 by a point)....not too shocking. Contemplatives are those who love God through adoration (viewing God as their lover and as Father and Bridegroom and Friend predominantly). Enthusiasts are those who love God with mystery and Celebration..as the book says "if they theirhearts aren´t moved, if they don´t experience God´s power,something is missing" They´re also the cheerleaders and joyful celebraters. and Activists are those who love God through confrontation such as Elizabeth Fry, Lord Shaftesbury, William Wilberforce and John Wesley. None of these should be shocking if you know me. :) The book points out strengths and weaknesses of each path...so I spent time brainstorming good ways for me to recharge through these as well as areas to repent where I´ve missed the mark/fallen short in my weakness. It was REALLY good... especially when I took sometime to just be with God as a lover and husband...SO good for the soul. I also tooksome time to weep over some brokeness that the book drew out in me. A part of thea activist part says " the church has frequently had an uneasy relationship with activists and prophets. We fondly remember those who have died but often loathe those who are still living. this should lead the actiavist to love God all the more because God may frequently be his or her only friend!" I am an activist, to the core and there ahve been times where I´ve really felt like God is my only friend (although He´s been SO good at developing a great support system for me...my parents,my friends, and members of my church back home) or that people loathe me (and there are those who do...which is SO hard on my tender heart because I do love people so much and care so deeply for them). I realized I had some pain and bitterness from this.... it was good to start to go there with God and weep and mourn some of this (only i know there´s further to go..in God´s timing we´ll get there).

I also just spent some timepeople watching in thepark, and once again my heart was brought toweep and pray for the people of Spain... they are hurting and broken with no one tohelp....Please be praying for this country, this place. They are so broken and in need of the Savior! Pray for workers to come into the fields to bring forth the harvest!...God has hearts that are ready..we just need willing workers!!!!!! One little boy was really hard for me to watch.. he had to be about 3 or 4.. but his mom was ridden down with defeat... bitterness, pain, which reflected in the son as he played ball... he fell at one point while running and his older brother pointed and laughed at him and you could see the pain on his face. I wanted to run and hold him as his mom sat thereon the phone oblvious to what was going on...Knowing this wasnt an option I prayed for him and his family. I ask you to do the same...he was socute!

After the park, I went pack towards Las Ramblas to a cute little cafe by the metro,and spent some time planning, praying and thinking with God.... and God once again confirmed and grew in me the heart of evangelism and showed me where I really lacked boldness this last school year...AS I repented, God blessed me with ideas for both prayer and evangelismand showed me how closely both are linked in ministry... you can´t do evangelism without prayer.. they need each other. I´m excited to put together some intercessory teams for evangelismback at school!

Now I´m back at the apartment, waiting for Kels and Ash who have the keys... but it was an amazing day with God. Calm, relaxing, but good!

Hope your day finds you filled with grace, love, truth and the presence of Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Much love,
AZ

As i sit here typing in Spain, I´m filled with such mixed, contradicting emotions... very much a Spirit versus flesh....

Whether you believe it or not, I doubt God so often.... I doubt if I do really know Him.. if when I hear Him it truly is Him... if I´m crazy for believing a God so incredible...most people laugh when i say these things... probably because i´m often the pillar of strength and faith... but I know my heart... and so does He... I love Him desperately... yet doubt...not Him... but me in the relationship of God and me. I know He is faithful, He is constant, He is good... but I... I am not... I doubt my giftings, my strengths, my calling... and He´s soooo good to constantly affirm me...

As i sit here in Spain... IN SPAIN... I doubt...
I have the gift of prophecy... God is affirming that in me.. but it´s SO hard for me to believe... to trust...to press into... even when things He´s spoken come to pass...Most would call me crazy if they knew that the number one reason I´m in Barcelona right now is because I believe a year and ahalf ago God gave me a vision and spoke to me through this vision saying that I would go to Barcelona Spain in the summer of 2009. Most would say I´m nuts if I said I knew over a year ago my sister woudl have another baby...or that I knew Aimee was pregnant before she told me.. or that I knew I was going to nationals before I ever even broke into a final round at my first tournament.... but I did... and that is not of me.. it´s of my Lord... Yet with all this... I doubt... I doubt my gift, my worth, my value, my love, my role, my calling (although EVERYONE seems to agree I´m called to be a missionary... doubt creeps in).

Please be praying for confidence... for affirmation...for trust.. for faith... for complete surrender to Him... I want to please Him, love Him, obey Him, worship Him, praise Him, rejoice in Him.... yet I have a deep wound that I know keeps me from doing these things to the fulness that He has for me... I know that this doubt is not from God... that it is an attack to keep me from Him... but it´s very real and I am in a very real, spiritual battle...

love you all! May God´s shalom rest upon your home and heart today... besos and amor!
AZ

Behold the power of... worship?

25 Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, 26 and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span. 27 "I will send my terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation you encounter. I will make all your enemies turn their backs and run. Exodus 23:25-27

Worship has been a common theme in my life lately... and I´m not sure what God´s developing in me. He´s showing me strength and power through worship, through song, through dance... and I do believe that I am called here...in some way... to lead worship or to worship or both. I know I fell the Spirit most powerfully in me when I´m singing... whether there is words or not. Perhaps it´s just the power found in worship, but I suspect there´s more.

It amazes me that in the old days, God sent his worshippers out to lead the battle... imagine being in war and sending musicians and dancers and singers and flag people out in the front lines..but that is what God did because there is POWER in his people´s worship of Him.. and He is glorified!

It´s a strange concept... but an incredible concept... for a taste of how this played out personally here in Spain.. check out barcelonamissions2009.blogspot.com for the story that sparked this.

For now, I leave you for a cup of vino and some chocolate! :) May God´s presence rest on you where you are... I love you dearly!

AZ

What is God doing?

Greetings from Spain! Today i attended a local church service in Barcelona. It was absolutely amazing and consisted of the type of worship my soul longs for here in America. Church started at 11 and ended close to 2... it was beautiful. The worship was glorifying and healing, the people there with hungry, open hearts and allowed God to move in such a free way. God spoke to my heart and brought me healing, joy, and peace through this... as well as bared my sould before Him so we could cleanse some of that junk!

However, what stood out to me the most, was here in Spain, the preacher commented on something that has been a topic of conversation between many of my friends back home...that Christians are splitting over worship styles. Why is that? Why are we so caught up in what the music sounds like, and the room looks like, and the people dressed like and the preacher sounds like and so on... you are there to worship the Living God. Yet we show up looking for a performance and in this become critics rather than worshippers.... it was beautiful to see this man´s heart break over this, both for America and Spain.

This pastor then went on to preach that chruch is not about the service, it´s about the mission, the purpose and that´s were passion should come from... God´s mission and purpose there. You should be strengthened for that mission from the service. It was amazing and encouraging to hear and challenged me to think of ways to bring this message home with me..especially to the college ministry I´m involved with....

As I sit and type, I´m overwhelmed by the beauty and truth here, yet the blinders are huge here... please be praying.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat...

rocks!

I saw this when I was really young once, but didn't remember much of it.

Thursday my friend Ann and I drove our friend Karo to the airport in Omaha (for some reason our dear Nigerian friend thought that Texas sounded like a better option than South Dakota :) ). After we dropped him off we traveled to Sioux City, where Ann is from, enjoyed a nice dinner with her mom and went to see her younger brother Reed perform in the children's theatre's production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It was wonderful! At first, I was skeptical, because I couldn't remember anything about the production, and so I wasn't sure what we were going to be watching. However, a few minutes before the show, I could sense the presence of the Holy Spirit, and so prayed that God would use the show to His glory and sat back to watch it! These kids were wonderful! Great singers, good actors, and funny! Ann's brother Reed did a wonderful job as a brother to Joseph and Pharaoh (He played Pharoah the king as Elvis the king for those of you who haven't seen it.. .it's hilarious... and he nailed it!). However the part that I enjoyed most happened previous to it.

As I've said in a previous post, these past few months/school year has been super hard on my heart. I've been attacked and persecuted for my faith and endured some scorn and ridicule for things I believe and giftings God's given me. Well, there's a scene in the play where Joseph is thrown in jail for something he didn't do and is down and out. Two other people are thrown in prison and share their dreams with Joseph. He then interprets the dreams for them. The first dream has a happy interpretation, the second one, not so much (the guys going to be executed by Pharaoh). After Joseph shares the second interpretation and sees the man is upset, he says something like "Well, I could be wrong, although I've never been wrong before." Shortly after this they break into a song that the chorus sings "Go! Go! Go Joseph! You'll make it someday" and so on. This was HUGE for me and God used it to speak to me, bring me healing and encourage my heart.
Controversal statement #1. I have some prophetic-type gifts. I'm going on a trip to Barcelona in 3 days that started because God revealed to me He wanted me there (check out barcelonamissions2009.blogspot.com for more on this). A year ago I was praying for my sister and her family and God placed on my heart to be praying for a fifth baby, which I thought wierd ( I e-mailed her and asked her if she was pregnant and her response was no and they weren't really planning on having more kids at that time... so I shook it off as ok, maybe I'm crazy, or maybe they'll adopt way in the future, etc) , but now, a year later, she's pregnant (yay!!!!). Well, these giftings have been a source of controversy this year, especially because I was stupid enough to tell people things that they weren't ready to hear (yay for God's grace, mercy, and ability and PROMISE to work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him -Romans 8:28). Needless to say, a lot of this has caused controversy, persecution and pain in my life and I've really shrunk back on embracing these giftings and using my discernment and wisdom God gives me.

So, as Joseph is having his revelation about being able interpret dreams, and not having been wrong before, God began to speak to my heart, not in words, but through an act of the spirit and divine revelation and it clicked in my heart that God was saying "Annie, you've never been wrong. Press into me child and let me show you what I have for you. Trust me and focus on me and I will lead and guide. Have faith that I will guide you and use you and you do have gifts of discernment and prophesy. Give them to me and watch them unfold. I will bless you and use you." And THEN at the moment this all clicks, they break into "Go! Go! Go Joseph!" and it was like God singing "Go! Go! Go Annie!... Go to Spain and use these gifts, trust me and watch me explode life and new found joy in you. Go and trust me, discerning and praying. Go! Go! Go! Go be your crazy self who gets ridiculed here and watch me bless you! Go, be a crazy prophet there and watch my will unfold and my calling for your life grow as you embrace it more and more. Go! Go to the nations and bring my peace, love, joy and offering. GO! and fear no more, for I am with you, My rod and My staff will comfort and guide you. I will guide you to all truth and knowledge and keep you safe. I will be your guide, your comfort, your rock your support your life and your joy and it will be complete as I dwell in you and you dwell in me, as my word becomes complete in your life. Take heart and enjoy my child for I am with you. I the Lord your God have summoned you by name, you are mine and this is my will so GO! Explore and rejoice Go!!!!"

If you haven't picked it up.. joy being completely restored... and Spain will bring it's full return and renew/make it new. God is so good. This play spoke MULTITUDES to my heart (obviously), and I now, more than ever, am ready to go to Spain. And I know no matter what happens, the Lord my God is with me, providing, protectin and guiding...and this is His will. I cannot even begin to fathom what will happen and what will be experienced... but I know this... the Lord is my rock and my salvation...and to this rock I cling!

Time for a change

I feel like the last year of my life has been a huge transition, and I don't think I'm too far off from the truth. Over the past year or so, God has truly done some amazing transformations in my life. My faith in Him has increased tremendously. He's matured me and transformed me, much of this through difficult trials, oppression, and learning from my own mistakes. However, alot of these have caused pain in my life, and I find that for the better part of the last 3 months, much of my joy has been robbed. But that is about to change.

I just recently moved to a new apartment in Brookings, and it is amazing to feel the Shalom on our home. Truly, the Lord's presence rests there (praise Jesus!). In a week I'll be leaving for Spain, and I feel that God has promised me this will increase my faith, as well as restore my joy and purpose, and for this a truly long, to rejoice in my King and Savior as i once did. Although it will not be as it once was, for my joy will have grown and changed...it will be a greater rejoicing... and I long for this season. It's like a tree in the winter, as it waits for spring so it can begin to blossom and bloom and grow...that's how I feel/that's what I am. And spring is almost here. I can feel it's warmth coming.

It has been a tough year. My heart has broken more this year than I can ever recall. I've been wounded, broken, oppressed, and persecuted for my faith and have wept so for the brokenness of this world. I've seen more of the brokenness of this world then I would choose to, but is growing something in me and I will obey and follow. As I look back on this past school year, although the pain was huge, the loss great, and the sorrow real, I can look back and see glory, for my king was present and working and is soon to be glorified through all the pain/shame. And that truly is one of my favorite things about Christ. He takes the things that are deemed shameful, unworthy and dispised and transforms them into radiant glory, no matter the original state. I pray if you find yourself feeling stuck in the shame, turn your eyes to Christ and give Him your shame. Then follow and watch the Father turn your shame into glory. It truly is remarkable. For those of you who know me, you know this to be true in my life...even those of us who aren't sure what to do with this Jesus.

I pray where you are today, you would find God's shalom resting on you and you would press into the king. For now, I'm off to lunch with my papa.

Love you and am praying!

AZ

A bonfire of the nations...

God is good! I'm just going to start there.
So this week has been pretty tough on my heart. God keeps revealing to me the brokeness here in Brookings and my only response is to break down, cry and pray. Tonight was no exception.

Tonight we had a bonfire for ISF (International Student Fellowship). I wasn't planning on attending, but got off work early and decided to go...and I am so glad I did. On the way out there (it was at a lake about 20 minutes from Brookings) I was crying and praying through others brokeness, my own brokenness, and my own fears. Upon arriving at the bonfire, much of this began to leave. I saw people who I had not seen in awhile. There had to be about 20 people there, from at least 10 different nations (I'm pretty sure it's more... I'm pretty bad at guessing these types of things). And this was the first time I've seen a lot of them in a while... since like Jan/Feb... too long!!:) :) :)
We sat around the bonfire, roasting marshmallows, potatos, corn and steak (a student from Germany came prepared!:) ) fellowshipping, talking, and learning about each other. Then, one student from Africa began to sing. As she sang she began to sway as she was sitting, until finally it was apparent she needed to dance! After some encouragement from the crowd, she drove her car up, started playing some african music and began to dance with 4 others. Two of us were American, one German, and one from Japan, plus the african student. What a sight to see!!! Of course us whitey's have no rythm.... but we tried! :) And then somehow this turned into a huge dance around the campfire as the others began to join in, singing, laughing, and dancing, fellowshipping and just enjoying each other's company and presence.
As I reflect on this night now, it's amazing to me that this took place. How many times during your life do you get to dance around a campfire with Africans, Asians, Europeans, South Americans and North Americas? And the best part? It was praise and worship music!!!! I learned some African words for praise (which I won't attempt to butcher now), learned some dance steps (although they had to go VERY basic with me), and grew deeper in some relationships that I truly do cherish.
What started off as a night of crying was turned into a night of praise and thanksgiving. And that's where it hit me, smack in the face. THIS is who I am and what I'm made for. I'm made to praise Jesus. And for me, joy is found through learning how others do, and joining along. I love to embrace other cultures, other people, other languages....and then add Christ in there and BAM! THAT is what I want to do. I want to bring Christ and His love to others, but I also want to LEARN about Christ and His love from others because their insight, their lives, and their spirit, passion and fire has so much to offer me, you know? I know that God has me here in Brookings for a purpose and I rejoice in this, but I also look forward to the day He calls me over seas more permanantly (if He does).

To those of you who were there and part of this tonight.. THANK YOU! And to you Jesus, THANK YOU! Thank you Abba for your Spirit and for the spirit of praise and fellowship you placed in us tonight Father. Thank you for your glory, for your love and for the opportunity to get to know these people from all over the world, while being right here in Brookings. Thank you for the blessing each is to my life, and the joy and insight they bring me Father. Thank you for their willingness to share their culture and their lives, even when it may be uncomfortable. Thank you for their energy and life.
Thank you for the willingness of a certain American to plan these too, and to devote herself fulheartedly, in good and bad.
And thanks for providing. You knew what my heart needed for healing and you gave that to me tonight in the most unexpected way. Thank you! I love you God....you are good!!!!

The love of a Father

The other night I was invited to Madison, South Dakota to speak on Human Trafficking, an issue that God has completely broken my heart over. We watched a documentary while I was there entitled "Not For Sale." In this documentary, it relays the devestation of human trafficking around the world and once again my heart was completely broken for these victims, these voiceless, powerless people.
"Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors— and they have no comforter. (Ecclesiastes 4:1)."

My heart broke for the women, children and men trapped in this. The pain and agony they experience on a daily basis is excruciating. In fact, one woman said that she would rather die and go to hell because that would be better than the life she currently had. Many of these women are forced to have sex with anywhere from 15-50 men each night. Others are forced into labor, and still others forced into being soldiers. But the part that broke my heart the most, was what took place with children prostitution.
One part of the documentary showed a man (undercover) asking pimps how much it cost for boom boom (sex) and yum yum (oral sex) with a child while the children (girls from ages 12 and under) were there in front of him, telling him they do the best yum yum. I'm talking a room full of children, at least 10-15. You then watch this man pay a police officer in order to ensure he's not arrested. As I was watching this part of the video, my heart broke so much and my instinct was to turn away and not accept it. As I began to turn my head away, God broke through to me. I never turn my eyes away. In the midst of sin, torture and pain in these precious children's lives, God's always got His eyes on them. This perfect, holy, good being who cannot tolerate evil NEVER takes His eyes off of these precious people, nor does He take His eyes off of the men who takes advantage of these children. He doesn't look at the men as evil vile creatures, but as children He longs to love who due to the sin and evil in the world have been so twisted and hardened against what is good and pure and true. They're imprisoned as well, to their sexual lusts and desires. They themselves are enslaved to the beast.
I never turn my eyes away. Yet how often do we turn our eyes away, refusing to look at things in life that are just too hard? How often do we ignore the injustice that takes place in the world, in our nation and even in our own backyard? Either it's inconvinient or we just don't want to go there. Praise God that He never looks away but rather is always there for us. Praise God that He chooses to love us beyond pain, beyond sin, beyond injustice, but above all chooses to love us and is working to bring justice..true justice which is redeeming what was broken. Praise God that this is who He is and how He loves. And OH! How He loves us!

I never turn my eyes away. God is watching you. And not in the creepy "don't do something wrong cuz God is watching you" or "Big brother is watchig you" type way. But God's eyes are on you because you are his precious, precious child and He loves you. No matter where you are in life right now, whatever hurts, pain, or secrets you have, God knows them and cares for them because He cares for you! He loves you so deeply and unrelentlessly. Turn your eyes toward Him. He will not disappoint, but will reach out with open, loving arms. Jesus is not what we have made Him out to be... controling, two-faced, and cold. No! Those things are how religion has painted him to be. But in His word He is loving, faithful, and tender, reaching out time and time again, loving and dining with those who love him, who hate him, who want to kill him and who will ultimately betray him, and yet He loves them unconditionally and does not turn them away. If you need a friend....Jesus is there...