As i sit here typing in Spain, I´m filled with such mixed, contradicting emotions... very much a Spirit versus flesh....
Whether you believe it or not, I doubt God so often.... I doubt if I do really know Him.. if when I hear Him it truly is Him... if I´m crazy for believing a God so incredible...most people laugh when i say these things... probably because i´m often the pillar of strength and faith... but I know my heart... and so does He... I love Him desperately... yet doubt...not Him... but me in the relationship of God and me. I know He is faithful, He is constant, He is good... but I... I am not... I doubt my giftings, my strengths, my calling... and He´s soooo good to constantly affirm me...
As i sit here in Spain... IN SPAIN... I doubt...
I have the gift of prophecy... God is affirming that in me.. but it´s SO hard for me to believe... to trust...to press into... even when things He´s spoken come to pass...Most would call me crazy if they knew that the number one reason I´m in Barcelona right now is because I believe a year and ahalf ago God gave me a vision and spoke to me through this vision saying that I would go to Barcelona Spain in the summer of 2009. Most would say I´m nuts if I said I knew over a year ago my sister woudl have another baby...or that I knew Aimee was pregnant before she told me.. or that I knew I was going to nationals before I ever even broke into a final round at my first tournament.... but I did... and that is not of me.. it´s of my Lord... Yet with all this... I doubt... I doubt my gift, my worth, my value, my love, my role, my calling (although EVERYONE seems to agree I´m called to be a missionary... doubt creeps in).
Please be praying for confidence... for affirmation...for trust.. for faith... for complete surrender to Him... I want to please Him, love Him, obey Him, worship Him, praise Him, rejoice in Him.... yet I have a deep wound that I know keeps me from doing these things to the fulness that He has for me... I know that this doubt is not from God... that it is an attack to keep me from Him... but it´s very real and I am in a very real, spiritual battle...
love you all! May God´s shalom rest upon your home and heart today... besos and amor!
AZ
About Me
- Annie
- I'm just a girl in this world living for a King who loves me more than anything this world has ever had to offer me...His love is true and real and is all I have to live for and I pray you'll join me in my quest to know Him more. Will you follow?
2 comments:
My sister, I love you! "Then He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, My power made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest fully on me."
Gosh...there are too many parallels with you in Spain and me here... Praise Jesus!
Ah, Annie-God has something for you in this-keep searching-keep trusting-keep going. Stand firm with His armor that you put on each day. Stay close in prayer and supplication. Be still and know that He is God. Let your soul be surrounded by the promise of His peace. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid. God has you covered in His love and forgiveness. Love, Mom
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